Sunday, May 9, 2010

Happy Mother's Day! I, personally, never knew how happy motherhood could make me. I thought having 1 child was amazing. No one can ever put into words how wonderful it is to add another child to the mix. I thought my life was perfect and complete when Addie was born. And, I'll admit, during my 2nd pregnancy I had terrible pangs of guilt- how could I purposely do something to divide my attention away from my baby girl? How can I possibly loved another child like I love my first? Everyone kept telling me that it just works out... I was skeptical for 9 months. The day- actually the second my son was born I knew what they were talking about. I grew a whole new heart.... I was instantly madly in love with my new family of 4. Avery completed something in me that I didn't even know wasn't complete. Life is so blissful right now. My 2 babies and my husband are my whole world. They are the air I breathe and the reason why my heart continues to beat. The work load has doubled, sleep (some nights) has been cut in half, diaper duty (until last week) also doubled. But the love and happiness in my life quadrupled. Don't get me wrong- there have been moments of insanity where I have wanted to melt into a puddle and cry, but mostly those overwhelming moments are few and far between. (I'm blessed with well behaved kiddos) And even during the craziness, the hustle bustle I love taking a step back and laughing. It's a crazy kind of hectic that only a mother could love. And I am so in love with this phase in my life. We are fairly certain that we don't want to add any more babies to our brood, so I'm trying to savor every smile, every dirty diaper, every bottle that I feed my son, and every pee pee in the potty, every story, every page that my daughter colors. The little moments pass by so quickly, and I want to hold tight to them. After all, it's the little moments of motherhood that God's presence is most prominent because it's the little moments that are the greatest blessings. Happy Mother's Day.

Monday, May 3, 2010

It's 4am.I have a terrible cold. I have a pukey/fevery 2 year old (who ironically is a big ball of energy- at 4am). I have a 2 month old who acts eerily like the "prince" and the pea. I have a sick mom who starts radiation and chemo in 2 days. We've decided to put our house on the market. Again. I go back to work in 3 days from my maternity leave. Think my terrible cold might be stress induced? Lord, please give me strength. When I heard a scratchy little voice at 2:15 say "mommy" I knew something was wrong. My sweet lil 2 year old was covered in puke and burning up. At the exact same time my sweet lil 2 month was wailing from his crib. I'm surprised he stayed in his own bed until 2:15. He has a sort of needy/diva quality about him. (I thought the 2nd child was supposed to go with the flow and be really laid back?!) He just wants to be snuggled up to me... Not to mention the fact that I have to help him hold in his pacifier, which he is reliant on to fall asleep/stay asleep. How is he ever gonna sleep in his own bed all night if I have to hold in his pass when he wakes up? Don't get me wrong, I enjoy snuggling with him, but I enjoy a full night's (good) sleep, too. And as I said earlier- I go back to work in 3 very short days. I would desperately love for him to be in his own bed all night before I go back... How can I let him cry it out when I have a 2 year old and a husband who need sleep, too? How can I get him to hold his own pass? (Yes, I've tried multiple kinds). How can I teach him to self soothe if, again- he needs me to hold his pass? (Yes, I've tried to make him go without it- its not a pretty picture). I wish his 2 month check up wasn't 2 wks late- I have a million questions for his dr. I know you aren't supposed to compare your children, but Add slept through the night at 5 weeks and was in her crib at 8 weeks. So, honestly, this is new, slightly frustrating territory for me. I'm a little bit overwhelmed. Ok, I'm a lot overwhelmed. But every day is a new one, right? But a new day with no sleep, a sick toddler and a needy infant isn't easy. I guess even after 2 months I am still learning to navigate this "mother of 2 ship". And I imagine I will continue to learn well after my kids are grown. We can't improve if we don't learn, though, right?