I don’t even know what to say. Yet, I feel like I can’t hold any of it in.
I’ve 36… I sometimes forget and think that I am 37 (and I feel 49). My husband politely reminds me of the truth, which, I guess I am ok with.
I am trying…. *trying* to get back into running. I’ve let myself go in many ways and that includes distance running. I ran 2 ½ miles and then I ran a 5k!! That is the farthest that I’ve gone since October of 2018 (when I ran the Nationwide Children’s half). As I am typing, I’m wondering if running has been too wrapped up in the loss of my mom. Nationwide was just a few weeks (a month, maybe?) before her passing. It’s probably hurt too much for my soul to meet the road.
But, it’s time.
I’ve been unhappily unemployed for ELEVEN months. It was an unexpected yet, somehow, totally predictable change in my daily life. Work was awful, yet I loved my mission of helping the elderly. I’ve used my time off to finish my bachelor’s degree. I even graduated with honors and was inducted into the national honor society! I feel a tremendous amount of guilt for not taking full advantage of the gift of time that I have been given. I mean, I was able to be off with my kids during home schooling and a pandemic! I know that is a huge blessing and not something that I should take for granted…. Yet the guilt ensues. Mommy life is tough. Working moms face guilt. Non-working moms face guilt… who wins?! I definitely haven’t figured that one out.
SO. Since I’m unemployed and have been given the gift of time I have decided to lace up and hit the pavement. I set a goal 3 years ago to reach 100 miles in 1 month. I did not meet that goal. I’m setting it for October 2020.
In an election year.
In a time of confusion.
In a time of division.
In a time of frustration.
In a time of 24-hour news and social media with far too little facts and far too much fear mongering. I have decided that I must run.
I have 31 days to run 100 miles and I cannot. Stinking. Wait.
When I run…. I pray, I bird watch, I problem solve, I write, I worship. And I think. I burn off all of the day’s craziness and everyone around me wins.
Considering that my longest run in the last 24 months is 2-3 miles, I am facing a big challenge. But, if my 12 ½ year old daughter can race at a cross country meet with shin splints than I can do it. If my kids (and their teachers) can wear masks at school all day every day than I can do it.
If my son can stand up in front of a congregation and state why he wants to be baptized in the name of the Lord, then I can run.
If loved ones including a sister, a cousin, and my BFF (who are all essential healthcare workers) can work amidst a novel virus, then I can run.
If police officers can suit up and go to work- knowing that in some communities that they are hated and wished dead. Then I can run.
If black individuals are fearful of their life and honestly and respectfully fighting for equality, then I can run.
If firefighters can continue to fight record breaking wildfires than I can run.
The world seems to be at a dark and scary crossroads. Officers are loved on dates like Sept. 11th, 2001 and August 4th 2019. But their daily sacrifices are forgotten when terrible things happen like the death of individuals in police custody. I don’t have all of the answers.
All I can do is pray for and hope for peace and I can remind those around me that most of us are not the judge or the jury. In a climate such as this, that is almost impossible. So. I will run.
I don’t have twitter. Or Instagram. or tik tok. Or Facebook. But, I have running shoes, sunshine, God, and time. I wish you all did, too. But, since you might not-- please know that I will be spending my running time praying for you! Praying that your heart is fulfilled in the name of the Lord, that your soul has guidance. That you have protection and safety. That your voice feels heard in a safe and productive way. That you feel LOVED. Since I will be out on the road and in prayer for over 18 hours in October, I hope that you feel my prayers. And I hope that by the end of October there will be less wildfires. Less riots and fear. Less anger and hatred. More love and unity. More prayer. More kindness. Less division. Less arguing and more love. Because…. All we need is love, right?
“There’s nothing you can know that isn’t known
Nothing you can see that isn’t shown
There’s nowhere you can be that isn’t where you’re meant to be
It’s easy
All you need is love.”
-The Beatles
If I speak in the tongue s of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now, we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
-1 Corinthians 13
