this weather does amazing things for my spirit. windows open with the curtains blowing just lightens me. it gives me hope. their is a slight tinge of orange on the trees and that, too, gives me hope. i love love love fall and with it quickly approaching it proves that time is passing. and with the passage of time comes change. a major change in my recent past? MY SON IS SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT! that is also doing amazing things for my spirit and my overall well being. my daughter has started preschool and it has changed me. i've never had the desire to be a full time, stay at home mom. i take great pride in contributing to my family by going to work. but her starting preschool has made me want to be home more than i am. i'm blessed to only have to work 4 days a week, but i desperately want to go down to 3 days. i want to be with my children more than i am away from them. time is running away from me and i get a sortof panicked feeling when i think about her being in school. i just want to be present more. soon enough they will be in school all day (almost) everyday and until then, i wanna eat them up! i wanna immerse my soul into their presence, their laughs, their cries, their naps, their everything. at least i know when i'm working they are with their grandma, so they are in amazing hands!
my mom starts chemo in a few days. she is (in my opinion) severely depressed and overwhelmed. i wish the weather and the orange trees would do for her what it does for me. she needs hope. the reassurance of those around her is doing little good. i tell my patients at work that your mental state is 90% of the battle. i tell my mom the same thing. wish she'd listen. i can't begin to put myself in her shoes... so i have no idea what she is going through. i do know that it isn't easy. if it were it would probably be called roses or playgrounds. not cancer. cancer is an ugly word. but life isn't always beautiful! ;) we are getting there. as a family we are moving forward and sticking together!